Male Bonding
by P.L.S
Summary: What happens when Harry does a stupid thing near a previously unknown to SGC Stargate?
1. Male Bonding

Title: Male Bonding

Author: P.L.S.

Rating: A solid G

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything from Stargate- SG1.

Summery: We all know Harry Potter can do stupid things. We all know there may or may not be other places on Earth with Stargates. So what happens when Harry does a stupid thing near a previously unknown to SGC Stargate? Harry finds himself face to face with Tok'ra and Colonel O'Neill and bonding with them over quidditch. Sports bring people together- at least if you have a Y chromosome.

A/N: I like Harry Potter, I like Jack O'Neill, I like the idea of Harry Potter and Jack O'Neill meeting each other. So don't sue me- I like this crossover about as much as I love Buffy/ Stargate or Harry Potter/ Highlander. Besides this was written on Monday night at 8pm, look at the Sci-Fi channel's listings to see what I was watching as I wrote. Oh, and this is set before Daniel dies and becomes an Ascended.

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Harry scowled. Really, it was all just an idiotic misunderstanding. He didn't need to be under lock and key between two guys with odd voices and funny zapping guns. It wasn't his fault that Slytherin's bloody chamber had a stupid portal to. . . well were ever the bloody hell he was. He was sure he wasn't in Hogwarts let alone Earth anymore.

Okay, so maybe hitting random buttons hadn't been a good idea, especially while sitting on the ring thing and hitting them by chucking stones at the platform thingy. He was just bored of reading Slytherin's rock writings about how some old group of magic users cast out a bunch of not-snakes that possessed people. Apparently the ring thing had been their escape route and the magic people put it to the Slytherin family to watch and keep the not-snakes out. So, because Slytherin was sick to death of the paranoia, he built a chamber with a whole slew of protections that only a parcelmouth could get past.

"So. . . you guys play quidditch or football?" Harry asked looking up at the two statue-like guys in gray tunics and leggings. One looked down at him with a curious face.

"What is quidditch? Is it a Tau'ri sport? Major Clarks explained football to me before, it is the game with the oblong ball and touchdowns, correct?" Harry smiled and shook his head. It was nice to hear a human sounding voice again, but it sounded like the guard knew an American. The other big guy scowled at the talking one.

"Reylant, we are guards to ensure that this offworlder is not a threat, not companions." He said in that odd sort of echoing voice. The first guy frowned.

"He is Tau'ri and a young untrained Tau'ri at that. We are waiting for SGC to contact us back to get the young one home, not to frighten him." said Reylant, "I am sorry, Ygaven tends to take his job too seriously." he gave Harry a smile.

"My name is Harry, Harry Potter." Reylant nodded and elbowed Ygaven. Ygaven rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Fine, he is not a real danger or a Gou'ld plant." Reylant smirked at Ygaven's admission and Harry couldn't stop his snickering.

"I'm a wizard, and really I didn't mean to go anywhere." Harry sighed, "I was just taking a break in this room I kind of inherited from some long dead old guy who had a thing for snakes and being devious. I was sitting on that ring and tossing stones at that control panel thing when I was sucked into the portal and chucked out here. No bad intentions, just a twenty year old wizard being stupid around magical or maybe alien stuff." Harry ran a hand through his hair, half embarrassed, "No one ever accused me of being smart." Both aliens looked amused.

"You were sitting on the choppa'ai, throwing rocks?" asked Ygaven in a very human voice with a laugh, "You really aren't a danger at all then. Good gods, okay, even my paranoid counter part agrees that you could never be a threat. The Gou'ld are too proud to even think of a cover story that self-degrading." Harry scowled.

"No need to make me out to be the biggest fool of the Universe." Harry grumbled. Reylant and Ygaven sat down on the floor across from him and put the weapons away.

"Trust me, that's not the greatest story of stupidity either one of us have seen or heard." said Reylant, "So tell me about quidditch. . . it is a Tau'ri sport right?" Harry grinned, if there was one thing he knew, it was quidditch. Easily, Harry spent hours explaining the sport and soon go used to talking to four people in two bodies. He didn't totally understand it, but he could deal with Reylant/Haaris and Jahn/Ygaven. He got that the echo-voice was the symbiote and the normal voice was the host, he also got that they were distantly related to the not-snakes but they were not to be feared. Oh, and the not-snakes were really called the Gou'ld, his guards were the Tok'ra, and Earthlings were galacticly known as the Tau'ri. The four guys were all surprised that he took it all so calmly but as he started creating magical illusions to illustrate the game play they seemed to understand that he saw weird things all the time, he was a weird thing himself after all.

It didn't take too long for his new friends to understand the game enough to enjoy watching a memory of one of the few professional games he had seen and they were watching the '94 World Cup Championship when some more Tok'ra came in with a bunch of people in dark gray fatigues.

"Reylant, why are you not guarding this young Tau'ri as you were instructed?" asked the woman in skin tight gray clothes. Harry groaned. She had an echo-voice, so obvously the symbiote was taking front stage, and he already figured out the symbiotes tended to be rather cold and arrogant.

"They figured out that I am just an idiot who stumbled into a sci-fi picture who happens to have a zeal for sports and a few skills and a lifetime of general fantasy book experiences." Harry said, "No, Ygaven. You do not need to tell them exactly how I happened to find myself on a Tok'ra planet." he said as the symbiote was about to speak.

Haaris laughed, "As you can see Anise, Harry isn't a threat. Just careless, but as he said, 'no one has ever accused him of being smart'." Harry pushed Haaris' shoulder playfully.

"No quoting the guy on his stupidity, especially when he's the one who's providing the show." Harry said. One of the men in fatigues shook his head.

"So you're English?" asked the guy. He was wearing dark sunglasses and a cap so Harry really could only assume he was male, older than thirty, and American. Harry nodded.

"Harry Potter, I am a British citizen and quite at a disadvantage, Officer." Harry said without giving away how nervous he really was. The man nodded.

"Colonel Jack O'Neill, United States Air Force," He pointed to each of the other's in turn, "This is Doctor Daniel Jackson, Major Samantha Carter, and Teal'c. We're here to figure you out and get you home."

"Okay, I'm Harry James Potter, formerly of Number Four Privet Drive, Little Whining, Surrey, England. Now I live at a castle in a town that doesn't exist on paper except as ruins from the bronze age but for those of special abilities it is a school and for me it is my birthright as well as spoils of war, sort of. I'm a wizard of some skill and the keeper of a, er, Rey, it was called a chopping eye, right?"

"Choppa'ai." said Reylant with a smirk. Harry snorted.

"Right, that thing, because one of the guys who founded the school and built the castle was given the legacy of protecting it from being used by what he called the not-snakes, but I've just figured out are the Gou'ld. Well, I'm kind of keeper by default. I'm the only one who is still alive who has the inherent talents to both avoid and keep up the enchantments and traps, and as soon as I get back I'm getting a bloody basilisk to guard that stupid death trap." Harry finished with that very odd sounding and bitter remark.

"Uh, okay. . . Danny, this is your show." said O'Neill and Harry shook his head.

"I'm not insane. Well, by all rights, I should be, but somehow I'm not. And you're not a psychiatrist are you?" Harry finished lamely when he saw the smiles on everyone but Teal'c, who still looked slightly amused.

"No, I'm an archeologist and linguist. Jack's handing interrogation to me because I'm the guy who has a background in mythology." he said, Harry assumed he was about ten years younger than O'Neill, his voice was less harsh and he was faintly younger looking, but not as young as Harry was.

"Oh, did we all get the part where I'm a bit of a foolhardy idiot in everything but quidditch and fighting evil dark lords named Voldemort?"Harry asked. Jahn snorted.

"You skipped the part about the dark lord, but I'm guessing he is no longer an issue." said Jahn. Harry nodded.

"Yes, I made sure that he is dead for good. He was a megalomaniac who was hellbent on killing all those of 'impure' origins and enslaving all those with no magical gifts, so he and his group of elitist maniacs tried to take over the magical side of the British Isles and I was part of the group that worked in direct confrontation with him. I got the pleasure of taking the murderous lunatic down." Harry frowned, "Of course, to kill him I had to take all of his magical powers, turning me into his metaphysical child, and thus his heir. which was how I got the responsibility of taking care of the Chopping thing."

"Choppa'ai." corrected Reylant. Harry rolled his eyes, looking like a fifteen year old.

"Rey?"

"Yes, Harry?"

"I don't care what it is called. I just want to get back, and maybe go watch a few more quidditch matches. Oh, and get some shapely companionship in my bed sometime soon." Harry made an hourglass motion with his hands and Carter sighed and shook her head as the aliens looked confused as did Teal'c. O'Neill chuckled.

"I like this kid." said the older man and Harry could see Jackson roll his eyes.

"You would." said the man. Harry smirked.

"I know a girl who can out-intellectualize you." he snarked. Jackson turned to O'Neill.

"Yeah, I can see why you'd get along with him." the archeologist used a very annoyed tone, but Harry caught the amused glint in his eyes.

"I'll have you know that I am the longest lasting defense teacher that Hogwarts has seen in fifty-seven years." Harry said, "Then again anyone who lasts two terms wins that record."

"Tough kids?" asked O'Neill.

"What can I say, the job was cursed." Harry shrugged. Carter sighed.

"I'm going to go find my father, do you want to come with me Teal'c?" asked Carter.

"I do believe I will join you, Majorcarter." said Teal'c and they left.

"I am going to go as well." said Anise.

"Suit yourself, now, what was that you guys were watching when we came in?" asked O'Neill, crouching down to join Harry, Reylant, and Jahn. Jackson sighed.

"Oh, hell. I might as well join you guys in this ritual bonding." he said as he sat down too. With that Harry started in on explaining quidditch again with Reylant, Jahn, Ygaven, and Raaris' help. Soon enough they were back to watching the World Cup game again, as soon as he explained the way his illusions and memory spell worked enough for Jackson to stop trying to figure it out instead of enjoying the spelled images of that great game.

It really didn't take O'Neill and Reylant/Raaris long to start acting like true fans; yelling, jumping about, shouting at the referee. Jackson too enjoyed watching it, if only for the sheer impact of seeing guys and girls flying on broomsticks. Ygaven/Jahn was literally of two minds about it all, Ygaven was rooting for Ireland, while Jahn supported Bulgaria. Harry just enjoyed the surreal feeling of watching his favorite sport with two not-snake aliens, their equally alien hosts, and two American muggles. And to think, he was planning on a dull day trying to figure out old Slytherin's hobbies.


	2. Going

Title: Going

Author: P.L.S.

Rating: G

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Stargate

Summery: Harry gets ready for a trip that will take him out of this world.

A/N: This is for Sam. Here is your next chapter to the Bonding story.

Minerva, how are you? Harry asked as he strolled up to the Headmistress and his superior. The woman scowled, she only scowled when Harry did something that made her worry. And Harry knew that he had deffinatly done something that made her worry.

Where were you? You are very lucky that you exams were so simple for Miss Lovegood to handout and grade. Harry sighed.

I need to talk to you about that. Slytherin left some interesting toys that I'm going to put under guard, and one that I need to bring some muggles in to remove.Just some experts I met from the American Air Force andsomeextraterrestrials... Harry said the last part very quickly. Minerva blinked as she desiphered it.

You are bringing space aliens to Hogwarts? she asked incredulaously, How in the world did you meet aliens? No, wait, I'm still on the part that aliens exist. Harry smiled. He had pracitced this naxt part. It was clear enough, yet very vauge.

Well, Slytherin got a hold of some stuff that would be of more use to those who are fighting a war against a sort of alien race that seems to take humans as slaves and wants to rule the universe. He shrugged. Minerva looked annoyed.

And you want to go join them in their fight. So, just as you broke that blasted curse, I lose my Defence instructor?Well. . . Harry started but Minerva interupted him as she threw her hands in the air.

Fine. Just owl me every once in a while, and you will come back when you can for holidays and guest lectures. She shook a finger at him. Harry grinned.

Great! You are the best headmistress ever. He darted in and pecked her on the cheek. Together, they started to walk to the Great Hall.

Harry, just tell me one thing. She said as they came up to the side door.

Did you meet these people because you were fooling around something with lots of warnings that you already read around it? she asked and Harry blushed and started to try to explain it in a way where he wouldn't look like a total idiot.

Er. . .That's what I thought, I owe Severus three galleons now because you can't keep out of trouble. she said sagely. He opened the door for her and they walked to the dais.

Minerva smiled and shook her head.

No, no. I just hope they find some good people like Miss Granger and Severus to keep you above water.Please don't tell me that you are writing to the CO requesting it.I won't tell you then. She smirked and sat down primly next the new deputy headmaster, Severus Snape who gave Harry a neutral look as the defence professor continued down to his seat between Hagrid and the arithmancy professor, Zeta Numerian. Other than the brief announcement that Professor Potter was announcing his retirement from teaching, in order to go persue other intrests, dinner was normal. Well, if talking about procuriung basalisks with a half-giant and a woman who was one-eighth centuar counts as normal.

By the end of dinner Harry had the names and floo addresses of no less than ten M.O.M class XXXXX creature dealers and two very interested friends who promised to feed the new guard so long as they could watch it eat. Harry promiced, mostly because he saw that the SGC already had stuff that could make it work.

The staff meeting that followed was nowhere near as pleasent, mostly because Snape refused to just let Harry get off with the simple explanations. He had to have a blow by blow account of everything, and he just had to have details about the Tok'ra, the SGC, the Jaffa, the Gou'ld, and everything else Harry knew.

Harry felt like he had been drug through a paddock of porkupines as he walked to his rooms. Maybe, just maybe, it would be the last time he ever was far too exausted after an interogation from friends and co-workers. After all, the USAF guys seemed rather laid back, at least O'Neill was. Jackson seemed to be a less rule abiding Hermione, well, sort of. Okay, so Daneil was at least fifty times better than Hermione at actual combat, and he was rather one tracked as far as information went. If it was circa 100 BCE or earlier then he knew it, but modern stuff, other than how to use technology to study the old stuff, was not in his grasp. Carter covered everything else really, it was like she and Daniel were just two sides of the same coin. Jack and Teal'c just fit in, Harry wasn't sure how, but they did.

And now Harry was being fit into a troupe of new explorers, modeled after that group which found him and his new friends watching an old quidditch match. His missions would be unique in the fact that for once in his life he wasn't going to be the front or the figurehead, he was as normal as people ever were to the rest of the people at the Stargate Command. Strings had been pulled and now he had deul citizenship, a new group of comrades, and a way out of all the Boy-Who-Lived' bunk that the wizards and witches of Britian had saddled him with.

Just a spot of training to deal with the weapons that he would carry to suppliment his wand, potions, and other magically enhanced toys.

Harry smiled as he packed up as the train left with all his former students. He was about to join something that seemed like it was right out of a comic book.


End file.
